The Inversion Of i Is An Exclamation Point

The Inversion Of i Is An Exclamation Point

“Arriving at Betty Go-Belmonte Station, paparating na sa Betty Go-Belmonte Station”, Saying these words in my head till I reached Recto Station has been a lot of help. I needed to keep my mind preoccupied just to not think about whats bugging my head. I thought that thinking about it would jeopardize my sanity.

Last night, I thought I was an insomniac, I could not get myself to fall asleep as my mind is being bombarded by questions spontaneously. I was tempted to do the best remedy I know, to tire myself then eventually fall asleep. There I was again, dreamy and lusty when I realized, I can't!!! It was my 2^nd day of abstinence from doing sinful acts. That was another problem for me to solve then. I lusted myself but cannot consummate. When I heard the door next to my room opened, I knew that my flatmate is gonna grab a stick of cigarette to smoke. I rushed myself off the bed, put on my shorts and undershirt. I ran my way downstairs as fast as I could. There!!! Like a child's first candy. A stick of cigarette diverted my urges to having a quick chat with him. At 4 am I tried my best to rest for at least 2 hours before I prep myself for my final interview by 8am.

I was on the train to Recto when my head started to do its habit of thinking freely. What is wrong with me??? Thinking about the people that I have met in the last six months triggered my head to question myself. Am I not normal, unacceptably different, or maybe to some people... weird?

What is our basis for being normal exactly? I personally think that, it is based on the highest percentage of people having similar patterns of thinking and personality. But, what if the patterns that I think are normal have the lowest percentage in contrast with the percentage of patterns that I think that are not normal. Then the question will be, do weird people think that I'm weird?

These people that I have met lately have these prominently similar thinking and personalities. As for me, best described as “insensitive, egoistic and numb”. I was once told by a friend that insensitivity is synonymous to being selfish as he was complaining about his partner. Complaining about his partner for making big deal of small things that he knows he is not liable of. Or is it my friend being insensitive that he did not notice the deal that is being made big? Is insensitivity really synonymous to being selfish? Literally, insensitivity and selfishness are not synonymous. But they correlate with one another figuratively.

46 hours later, I finally got the answer to my questions. The answer was too simple but contentful, leading me to having my peace of mind. I simply thought of the people whom I know have the patterns similar to mine. It turned out that we were great in number contrasting to the number of people that I have met lately.

I am normal and not weird after all!